Why does emotional intelligence in the workplace matter?
We need emotional intelligence (EQ) most where weāre least likely to find it: at work. The workplace remains the last bastion of IQ worship because many people still believe that getting personal interferes with productivity.
At work, you donāt have the ties of love to motivate you to get along with others as you do at home. You donāt have the benefit of a shared history to help you understand what moves those around you. That makes it all the more important that you have a way to tune in to what those you work with need right here, right now. You already have that facility ā itās active awareness and the empathy that flows from it. Using those elements of your EQ can help achieve success and solve problems on the job. Office politics, morale problems, and lack of cooperation donāt have to ruin your work life if you can read and respond to peopleās feelings.
The four elements of emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence is composed of four elements: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship management. How well acquainted are you with each of these resources?
- Self-awareness: the ability to recognize your emotions and their impact while using gut feelings to guide your decisions. Can you walk into a room, meet a stranger, attend a meeting and quickly sense that something is not as it seems? Formerly known as āintuition,ā this instinctual knowledge is based on emotional intelligence.
- Self-management: the ability to control your emotions and behavior and adapt to changing circumstances. Can you adequately harness your anger, disappointment or fear so your emotions donāt interfere with your ability to listen or problem solve? Do you know when you need help, and can you ask for it?
- Social awareness: the ability to sense, understand, and react to the emotions of others and to feel comfortable socially. Can you tell when you are unintentionally making another person uncomfortable or when someone who is smiling is really upset?
- Relationship management: the ability to inspire, influence, and connect to others and to manage conflict. Can you remain calm, energized and focused in the face of anotherās distress or during an upsetting situation? Can you defuse conflict with humor or by listen convincingly to anotherās point of view?
Remember that we all share the same emotions
Many organizations are crippled by people dedicating more time to protecting themselves from real and imagined threats, than to working. When fear rules, productive hours are lost in attempts to keep the upper hand, dodge the bossā wrath, or compete for position. The undeniable fact that some people have more power than others in any organization does not have to overwhelm you with fear, as long as you remember that we all share the same emotions.
- Does your manager act tough because they're afraid being compassionate means being weak?
- Are your employees sullen because they feel just as demoralized as you would if no one showed appreciation for their work?
- Does the person in the next office snap at you because they're just as worried about rumored layoffs as you are?
When you remember that we are all peers on an emotional level, it becomes easier to approach the boss, to ask an employee to give a little more, or to understand that a coworkerās irritability is nothing personal. Emotions are great levelers among people; use them to tie you together rather than rend you apart.
We all need to feel valued and needed
How long do you think youād last in a job where you didnāt feel valued by those around you? No matter the job, when we interact with people who make us feel valued and cared for, we feel good about ourselves and are inspired to work harder, longer, and more creatively. And when we make others feel valued and cared for, we get the kind of support we need to do our jobs well. Whether youāre dealing with an employer, an employee, or a coworker, showing appreciation will go a long way.
Nurture teamwork, cooperation, and empathy
Psychologists have known for years that people working together are more efficient and productive than the same number of individuals working separately. Empathy encourages us all to work cooperatively.
If youāre an employeeā¦
Employees can prevent a toxic āevery person for themselvesā atmosphere from forming by extending empathetic offers to help, staying alert for opportunities to yield when an issue is more important to someone else than to themselves, and simply showing interest in one anotherās work and lives. Avoid gossip and cliques. Both create tension and mistrust, lower morale, and reduce productivity.
If youāre the bossā¦
Make it worthwhile for your staff to rely on and assist each other. Offer bonuses or other incentives for group rather than individual achievements. For example, you could hold TGIF lunches and periodic morning bagel fests on youāsometimes without youāso your group can feel free to establish the common ground of griping about the boss. Set up a mentor program matching new employees with those with the greatest seniority. Use your incisive emotional powers to offset one personās weaknesses with anotherās strengths, and soon theyāll all be pulling one another up to new heights.
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Trust your intuitive feelings
Our feelings come to us before our thoughts, yet weāve learned to distrust our intuition in the workplace. As many smart investors, marketers, and designers will attest, stock market killings, media blitzes, and new product development often depend on hunches. There isnāt always time for methodical gathering of data. Nor is there always a need. Your hunches, after all, are the product of instantaneously gathered and sorted emotional information that tells you what matters most to you in any situation, what might be wrong based on your previous experiences, and when something is not what it seems to be.
Heeding them is not taking as crazy of a risk as the IQ minions would have you believe. Itās often the smartest, most responsible move you can make. You may get a lot of opposition, but stand firm and follow your hunches. Without them you lose the ability to switch gears, grab opportunities, and respond to emergencies.
10 ways to work smarter using emotional intelligence
- Use your body to sharpen your mind. Along with adopting good health habits generally, spending about twenty minutes exercising once or twice a day adds energy, sensitivity, patience, flexibility, and creativity to your portfolio.
- Invite feelings, not just thoughts. Make it safe for people to tell you how they feel, and theyāll work harder and better. People tell the truth to those who withhold judgements, keep confidences, and maintain their composure. Make sure that describes your work persona.
- Establish emotional boundaries. Intimacy with a boss, employee, or coworker can flood the workplace with emotional memories that cause thoughtful, reasonable professionals to lose their objectivity and provoke resentment in onlooking coworkers.
- Make no decision based on data alone. Before you turn in that figure-filled report or cite an authority to back up your recommendations, use your intuition. Stop and ask yourself how you feel about the position youāre takingā itās a habit that will help you feel more confident and ensure youāre acting with integrity.
- Be flexible. Be ready to modify long-term goals based on active awareness of how short-term objectives are going. Stubbornly charging towards goals that no longer serve the organization will get you left behind with yesterdayās news.
- Be generous. When a point of conflict means more to the other person than you (information you receive through awareness and empathy), surrender graciously; youāll earn your coworkerās gratitude and support.
- Begin any negative comment with a positive one. Youāre much more likely to get an empathetic ear if you preface criticism with appreciation, and complaints with your intention to cooperate.
- Speak out when you feel something is important. If a problem or a conflict is bothering you at a gut level, waiting too long to speak up will invite emotional flooding. When you take action, you change how you feel about the problem, which has a powerful impact on your well-beingāeven if you donāt get the response or change youāre seeking.
- Listen with empathy. Using your emotions will never distract you from the task at hand. Empathy gives you instant understanding of what someone is saying, so donāt try to save time by planning what youāre going to say while another person is speakingāthatās not heartfelt listening, and others know it.
- Take the risk of appearing imperfect. High performers ask for help when they need it and admit to being wrong when they make a mistake. Then they move on, effective and efficient.
Using emotional intelligence to be a great employee
Even those who manage other people are usually supervised by someone else, so anyone can take the advice that follows. Being a good employee is mainly a matter of doing what you were hired for while retaining your own integrity. And if youāre like most of us, itās also a matter of getting ahead. Here are some ways to do that:
- When thereās a problem, speak up. It would be great if we all had high-EQ bosses, but even the most empathetic boss doesnāt have time to figure out or guess your feelings. Strong, physical pangs that wonāt go away will tell you when you shouldnāt stay silent.
- Know what you want from the job. If you donāt know what you want, you canāt ask for it. Whatās most important to you at this point in your life, and how do you expect this job to fulfill those needs?
- Know how well youāre performing from day to day. The most demoralizing occupational event is to be fired without any idea it was coming. Layoffs aside, it hardly ever has to be that way. If youāre keeping your mental powers sharp and you know your job is enhancing your well-being, youāre probably performing well and doing whatās right for you. As long as youāre staying empathic enough to know that itās also right for your boss and the organization, you should never be taken by surprise.
- Know what your boss feels is important. This isnāt always what they say is important. Attune to everything that expresses feelings āwhat the boss does vs. says, where the bossās own fears seem to lie, how the boss treats other peopleāto get an idea of how to fulfill the bossās needs on the job. With empathy youāll feel an echo of your bossās emotions as long as youāre paying attention.
Know the values of the organization and how you feel about them
Every organization has a personality, too. Especially at a new job, keep your eyes, ears, and heart open for information about the organizationās M.O. You need to know not just what the organizationās production goals are but how it does business. Is it a three-piece-suit atmosphere or a shirtsleeves workplace? Do people chat casually and spontaneously or make appointments with each other? Are plans made openly or secretly? Is the organizationās style conservative or daring, people oriented or product oriented? How are people treated when let go? Is hiring done first from within or always from without? Are loyalty and camaraderie in evidence? Do coworkers like each other or merely tolerate each other?
Where do you fit in? Do you like what you discover? If not, what can you live with and what makes you feel physically uncomfortable? Knowing that will help you navigate a successful course for as long as you decide to stay with this organization.
Using emotional intelligence to be a great coworker
Being a good coworker is largely a matter of contributing to the workplace morale and team spirit. It might seem preferable to stick to yourself and just get your job done, but people who try that tack often discover that their own interests as well as those of the organization suffer as a result. Unfortunately, cultivating good relationships with your fellow employees can be a challenge. Not everyone will view you as a comrade, and in turn you wonāt feel open and trusting around everyone you work with. Your intuition about people is crucial in such cases. Here are a few ways to use it to your advantage:
- Donāt make assumptions about those you work with. Itās so easy to project your prejudices and biases on to your workplace. You may not have to get to know your coworkers as well as your boss or employees, but youāll never learn anything about them if you begin by assuming stereotypes like recent college grads are always arrogant or almost-retireds are stodgy; that women can be manipulated by emotions and men by data. Let your emotions show you whatās unique about everyone.
- Donāt expect anyone to communicate with 100 percent honesty. Some people seem incapable of plain speaking at work. Theyāre afraid, theyāre too polite, theyāre cautious, and they rarely say what they mean or mean what they say. You can wait until youāve been burned several times to figure it out, or you can pay extra attention to what your body tells you they feel, and less to what they say. Trust your intuition about people. Be particularly alert with people who may view you as a competitor.
- Be prepared to draw the line. Thereās a limit to how close youāll want to be with a coworker, but that doesnāt mean you wonāt or shouldnāt form friendships at work. If you share the values and goals of the organization and its other employees, thereās a good chance that youāll find friends there. Stay attuned to your own feelings, however, so you know when you want to be an acquaintance, not a close friend. Donāt let emotional blackmail or office politics pressure you into relationships you donāt want. If you feel uneasy with a relationship, trust your hunch and back off. If a work conflict comes up with someone who is now a close friend, youāll be able to tell from the intensity of your own feelings and your empathic feelings where your priorities lie.
- Offer help; donāt wait for people to ask. Not only will your generosity contribute to the camaraderie and morale in the office, but your sensitivity to the needs of others will gain you their future support and loyalty.
- Donāt take it personally. Remember that everyone has an agenda, a personal life, and a unique style of interaction. You donāt have to take anyoneās behavior personally. Let coworkerās behavior bring out your empathy, not your sympathy. You can understand how they might be feeling without being consumed by emotional memory or taking responsibility for their angst.
Using emotional intelligence to be a great boss
Like it or not (and many in supervisory positions do not), if your job involves managing other people, theyāll view you as their fearless leader. That means that even if theyāve been raising their EQs too, theyāll look to you to initiate action, elicit communication, and set the style and pace of daily operations. Hereās how you can meet their expectations to get them to meet yours:
- Anticipate people problems. Use your empathy to know your employees and how they interrelate. With it, you understand what motivates individuals, what relationships have formed, and even the separate āpersonalityā of the organization or department. Will your departmentās rising stats begin to fall now that a mentor has retired? Will a reorganization remove critical support systems? Will turning a project over to a consultant be a relief or an affront to your staff? The more you know about how your employees feel, the less often your own actions will inadvertently create havoc or resentments.
- Be the first to speak. Even if youāve created a safe and open atmosphere for communication, some people will always be intimidated by the boss and wonāt bring up a problem before itās imposed a hefty toll. Thatās why itās so important to be quick to talk honestly with your staff about potential problems or changes and invite comment. If you sense discontent from one or more employees, try to broach the subject in a way that relieves their insecuritiesāthen respect their privacy if they still decline to talk.
- Make it known that youāre always ready for employees to improve themselves. We energize our world of work by looking for strengths in others. Working people have hidden talents that can be used for the benefit of all. Nothing builds morale better than noting the value of others. Let your employees know that youāre open to their reaching as far as they can, and theyāll probably aim higher.
- Offer only as much as you intend to give. Donāt invite comment if you donāt intend to listen wholeheartedly. Never hold out the promise of rewards if you canāt deliver. Donāt hold brainstorming sessions and tell your staff how brilliant their ideas are if you never intend to put any of them to use. People recognize lip service when they hear it and donāt work very hard for those they donāt trust.
- Model flexibility and adaptability. If you want your employees to be creative self-starters who work up to their potential, show them that proactive problem-solving is more important than sticking to rigid plans and rules. Can you toss out a game plan that isnāt working without worrying about how it makes you look? Can you react quickly to reports of problems by your employees? Can you regroup and restrategize without acting put out?
- Cultivate employees, donāt coddle them. Despite what some managers believe, you can listen to your employees and show concern for their feelings without babying them. Remember, empathy is different from sympathy, and you must stay attuned to your own feelings while attempting to understand theirs. With a high EQ, youāll be able to cut off a heart-to-heart talk before it becomes unproductive and interferes with your own goals, without offending your employee. Youāll be able to praise people for a job well done without fearing that it will result in a relaxed work effort. Youāll be able to balance your employeesā need to be valued, with your need to achieve goals. Your emotional acceptance will keep you from being manipulated by someone elseās distress.
Adapted from Raising Your Emotional Intelligence: A Hands-on Program for Harnessing the Power of Your Instincts and Emotions by Jeanne Segal, Ph.D.
Last updated or reviewed on February 27, 2023